Tuesday, March 6, 2012

A new outlook. Thank You Jesus.

We had an Evangelist come to our church this last weekend.
And he was an awesome awesome preacher.

Sunday morning he preached about....
He Loves me Anyways.
Despite what God KNEW what I was going to do to fail Him, even beyond how I think and feel about myself, and even though it was my actions that caused him to suffer on the Cross for my sin, he loves me anyways. And because of that love, I have strength....because it says in His word, that "I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me".

After this service my sweet sweet dear friend Kim came up to me, and told me as she was researching some health things she kept reading over the idea of getting enough sleep.....and when she would read it she would think of me. And then she read about sleep again and it was in combination of health things and fertility, and the Lord spoke to her to tell me, to "get more sleep". That is the first time I had recognized the ability of someone to be given a Word for ME, and I felt so special that God would Love me Anyways and use a mighty spiritual woman like Kim to give ME a message.....

And then Sunday night.....
Give me this Mountain.
There is a story in the Old Testament about Caleb (Joshua 14) being promised an inheritance of the land Moses had him spy on, but it was inhabited by the giants....finally after waiting 45 years, living wholly for God while he waited...Caleb declared that the land his and was ready to go to war for it even though he was 85 years old, and because of this confidence and faith in the Lord, Joshua granted him his inheritance.

Michael Ensey then preached about faith.
And that having faith doesn't mean you won't have doubt, but, it is what you do with the doubt.....having faith should help you starve the doubt and eventually your faith will grow stronger and you will no longer doubt.....

The gist of the evening service was, EXACTLY what I needed to hear.

And I sat through alter service praying, crying, praising, thanking and laying out all my fears and failures to my God....and after service, I was in a stupor. I touched a part of the throne of God I don't think I have ever reached. A peace and calm fell over me like I have never felt before. That there was my first miracle in this baby having process.
As I was sitting and collecting myself, my pastors wife came to me and held me for a second and told me to "never give up, starve the doubt and don't give up", it was the icing on my spiritual cake right then.

God KNOWS my hearts (and wombs) desire.
God KNOWS what I need in my life to be successful.
and I KNOW it is in HIS time, and HE will prepare me, my mind, and my life for HIS blessings.

I am finally at peace with this process.....the tic tock of my clock has quieted down and isn't ringing in my ears constantly.
I am now more focused on the things I need to do to prepare...do you know how unorganized I am right now in my life, and if I did end up pregnant, I would probably freak out at how chaotic I feel with the mess!?!
When the Lord says He knows, He isn't joking.

Let me now get on with Operation Prepare for Baby 2012.

Here is my organizing/ to do list that is ever running in my head....
Clean out Craft/Junk Closet - organize it all and make stuff easier to get to, ultimately easier to put away.
Organize coupon closet
Clean out and organize garage
Closet, get all the laundry done, go through the clothes get rid of old stuff, organize shoes, and utilize storage space that is being wasted right now.
Develop a cleaning schedule for the whole house
Start routines such as exercise, formal personal bible study

The Lord answers prayers.
He has mine.
I may not be pregnant yet....
but I have learned to use Him to lean on

Peace is a sweet sweet feeling.

My husband constantly claims twins in Jesus name and speaks it into exsistance all the time... And I have a TON of people praying for me in this time of my life....and with that I say thank you to everyone involved in prayer for my sake..all this used to upset me because I wasn't seeing the results in prayer but now...keep praying, however know, my urgancy and panic has left and I am comforted by the ultimate Comforter.


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