Sunday, January 10, 2010

Here it is.....10 days late.

Well, I have been thinking and thinking and thinking for the past ten days......on what my new years resolution would be.
I just got married, so as Jason and I discussed, I was going to work on getting pregnant this year. I am about to be 30.....which in normal terms, is not old.....but, in baby having, to me..... is. ONLY because, I like to think ahead...and I do the kind of thinking like, if I had a baby now, when I the kid is 20 I will be 49, and if I have to wait a few years to have another one, It would be more like, if I had a baby when I am 35, when that kid is 20 I will be 55.
Those ages are not bad, and I know since I have not experienced those ages, I am sure I will still feel young, BUT....Jason is also 6 years old than me, so I have to think about his ages when our kids reach a certain age...blah blahblah...
So my resolution was going to be, make a baby.
But before I was figured out what I wanted to blog about, and made my final decision for the new year....I went to the girly doctor to get things checked on. After talking to him, letting him know I am ready to have a baby, and get things rolling on the medical end, he wanted to do some blood work, just to see how my insides are functioning as a whole.
Everything seemed normal, sugar levels.
Lynn, his sweet nurse, called me on Friday, and was telling me about the results of the testing. She sounded upbeat and happy regarding the thyroid, hormone and blah blah testing, but when she got to the blood sugar, she got quiet, serious, and concerned sounding. She then told me, that the normal levels for blood sugar is 99-120 depending on the fasting and eating.....I had done a 12 hour fast before the sugar level was.......299....(what this means I am not entirely sure, but 200 over the norm does not sound good)... she then demanded my family doctors phone number so she could fax the results to her, and get me an appt. I made my appt for my family doc that same day (I will be seeing her tomorrow).
After getting off the phone with all the doctors, I sat and processed this news. I had been told in the past that I was borderline diabetic, and a low card diet would help correct it. I did it.....for a few months, then lost insurance so I stopped going to the doctor....and then forgot about any of the precautions. Right before the wedding my family doc had told me she was a little concerned about my sugar levels, and I needed to come in and see her....well I had to wait till after the wedding, and eventually it got to be out of sight out of mind.
But now.
With my knowledge of the basics of diabetes, with my knowledge on how diabetes can affect pregnancies, the ability to conceive, the ability to have a normal healthy pregnancy, the ability to deliver a healthy baby.....I am nervous, scared, and sad.
I just wanted this process to go smoothly.
I wanted the doctor to tell me everything is a go, to take prenatal vitamins, and get busy making a baby.
But I am fat. and now. have diabetes (self diagnosed at this moment....but tomorrow my doc will give me the official label I am sure)
So.....with all this knowledge. i am going to declare my new years resolution. Well never mind resolution, I should say...DEMAND.

My new years DEMAND is to....make my body, mind and spirit ready to hold a miracle from God. I am going to get myself ready to have a baby.

This will include all the cliched new years goals like, lose weight and exercise. But I am not doing it just for the "beauty" aspect, I am not doing it just for the "self esteem" aspect. I am doing it so when I have a child inside of me, I won't be selfish and stay fat and unhealthy, I want to be the perfect vessel to carry the children Jason and I are blessed to have together.....

As I sit here like a drug addict and take my last "hit" of Dr Pepper, I feel guilty already. Jason tells me to have it, but I already have the mind set that I am going to have to do a complete turn around, Jason also says I will be harder on myself than the doctor will be. And if that is true, fine so be it.....I just want a baby. (two actually, and preferably not at the same

Friday, January 8, 2010

My 2009

Here's a fun survey I'm borrowing from a blog that I am stalking to wrap up 2009...

1. What did you do in 2009 that you had never done before?
Got Married.

2. Did you keep your New Year's Resolutions and will you make more for next year?I am not sure if I kept my new year’s resolution from last year. To tell you the truth I had to go back and research on my blog what it was…..the resolution was to be “more positive”. Thinking back on my year, I can see where I was more positive than I would think I would be, but then there were many times I was the biggest pessimist you have ever met. So I am going to say no….no I was not successful in keeping last year’s resolution, because even when I had a positive outlook, it wasn’t because I was keeping in mind the resolution I made.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?I knew a few people who had babies, but Stephanie comes to mind. She is my brother-in-law’s girlfriend (and hopefully I can one day call her sister in law). She gave birth to Kristen Lynn Martinez Weaver. He is a doll baby.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Not anyone super close….but the best friend of the brother in law mentioned in Q3 passed away, I knew him, but he wasn’t super close. Not to mention the millions of “famous” people who died, namely The King of Pop (not that we were close or anything….lol)

5. What places have you visited?
We went to Houston a few times.

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
Organization. But I have lacked that since 1980. I’m just sayin’.

7. What date from 2009 will remain etched in your memory and why?
Besides my wedding date of 11/07/09, I would have to say May 31st (I had a personal breakthrough in my personal spiritual journey) and June 22nd (the night Jason officially proposed)

8. What was your biggest achievement this year?Again, besides my wedding……lol.

9. Did you suffer illness or injury?In February I got really sick, I was down and out for two weeks, and it took almost a month to get fully back to 100%. But I luckily stayed well for the rest of 2009 (If you don’t count the multiple boils I had throughout the year)
Christmas Eve I slipped on ice in front of JC Pennys at the mall, and busted my knee, hurt my shoulder, and cracked my cell phone….

10. What was the best thing you bought?
Besides wedding rings for the wedding I haven’t ever mentioned before….lol. I would have to say the payments towards the Suburban we took over payments for.

11. Where did most of your money go?
Paying bills, eating out (we do too much of that) and the wedding.

12. What song will always remind you of 2009?A few of the BlackEyedPeas songs like Boom Boom Pow and I’ve Got a Feeling.

13. What do you wish you would have done more of?Organizing.

14. What do you wish you would have done less of?
Being Lazy

15. What was your favorite TV program?
I L.O.V.E. Dexter. It is morbid, and disturbing, but it is good in vigilante kind of way.
Big Love
White Collar
The Unit (Shhhh don't tell Jason, I act like I hate it)

16. What was the best book you read this year?
I read a few books this year, but for the life of me I can’t remember the titles to any of them, not that they were not good books, just…..I can’t remember.

17. What was your favorite film of the year?
We saw Sherlock Holmes, that was good…..and I am sure we saw more movies, but I can’t think of any of them off hand…..I just rented Julie and Julia, I didn’t see it in the theater, but it was released in 2009, so that is a good one too. (Sad to say I have yet to see New Moon yet…)

18. What did you do on your birthday and how old were you?
On my birthday Jason Aaron and I went shopping at the mall, ran around a little bit, and then that night Veida and Jason invited a small group of friends and family over to the new Dave and Busters in Arlington and we hung out, ate dinner, and a few people played games. Then after that all the kids went home and then some of us adults went to karaoke.
I turned 29.

19. What political issue stirred you the most?None off hand, but political things in general haven’t been sounding too stable lately.

20. Who was the best new person you met?
I have met only a few new people this year, a few people from Jason’s job, and the family I started babysitting for, so they are all the best. lol