Ugh. I am not happy with it right now....and sad thing is....is that it is all my fault.
Lets back up bit...
Two weeks we went to go get fills in our lapband - this is where they take saline via a surenge and using the port under my skin, fill the lapband to give me more restriction on how much I can eat, thus giving me less of an appetite, because the smaller amount will fill me up quicker, and with less food.
Well when I went in, they noticed the pouch above my lapband (where the food I eat sits until it slowly falls through the lapband into my bigger stomach to be processed) was stretched a little bit. So instead of putting fill into my band, they took most of my fill out because they want the pouch to have no restriction thus giving it an oppertunity to shrink back to normal. With the saline being removed, my hunger increased and I can eat anything I want...where as with a fill, you have a hard time eating carb filled things, and a few other not so good for you kinds of foods....
Thats where I am now. Hungry, Fill-less, with the ability to eat what I haven't been able to in a long time.
In the last two week, I have honestly gained 9lbs. N.I.N.E.
AGH!
I have no self control I suppose.
So that tells me,
Lapband hasn't really turned me into a health nut like I imagined.
I know I know, I have to learn and do different.....
but what I have learned is
the food battle I am fighting is ALL IN MY HEAD.
I have to learn this, and I am not.
I will have had the lapband for 2 years in November. With that I have only lost 37 pounds (well 28 now that I gained weight)
I am going to have to buckle down and get my family eating on the right track. I have to take care of my husband so that his lapband is working for him, I need him to lose weight as much as I do.....if we are going to have babies, his weight has a lot to do with his male infertility issues I am sure.
I hate being fat, but I love food. Food is dumb.
Because my body has gained weight and I have no self control, my doctor called me in an appetite suppresant so I can continue to try to have control during this time...because I feared that I would gain ALL the weight back that i had lost....
But when I get my fill put back in here in a few weeks I will stop taking it.
Some people think that me taking this medicine is complete weakness, but what they don't understand is that I have never had self control, and these are things I am trying to learn, and to open the flood gate of me getting to eat anything I want when I want, is dangerous since I haven't conqured the lapband idea....
I know I know I need to get back into the gym, and that is a part of my problem to begin with....but now life is slowing down for me, some major changes are happening I will have the ability to get up and go to the gym without worrying about other peoples schedules...it will happen.
However, with gym, that opens another can of worms....
I have made the decision to wear nothing but skirts in my life, so that includes workout clothes...I have no skirts to work out in, and I haven't a clue where to get some, i want some jersey knit knee length skirts, but I haven't been able to find it.....I know I know excuses excuses, but hey, I am just being honest at where I am in life.
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Keep fighting the food battle! You can overcome it! I know for me, when I eat healthy, I feel SOOOO much better physically and mentally. And after a while, you stop craving things. When I stopped eating fast food, I stopped craving it. I still pick something up every now and then, but it never ever tastes as good as I think it's going to taste. And after I eat it, I always wish I hadn't cause it makes me feel sluggish. Same goes for sugar. Now, a handful of grapes is just as good to me as a cookie. It just takes time. You can do it!
ReplyDeleteOn the clothes...I know they running skirts that are attached to capris. So you would technically have pants on, but with a skirt on top. Not sure if that would work or not but that's my suggestion! Otherwise, I know most running skirts and tennis skirts are all pretty short. Not ideal for most workouts (or for people like me that hate their pasty white legs!)
Your statement about hating being fat and loving food pretty much sums up how I feel all the time. I have lost 33.4 lbs...but because of my addiction...it constantly feels like a struggle and I easily forget how much work I've done and how far I've come. All I focus on is how far I still have to go...and that doesn't do me any good!
ReplyDeleteI agree with Tessa though...if I stick with my "diet" as far as cutting out the crap...it is hard...but after a while the cravings do go away.
Good luck!!
ha, I just saw that I had comments to this post. late, yes, appreciate it, absolutely. I found a few skirts that are knee length at Academy, and yes Tessa I can wear capris as long as the skirt is on top....
ReplyDeleteTricia, I am right there with you. Not too sure if I have an addiction to food, so much as that I don't have great discipline to choose the right things, eat often enough, and not skip meals.....so poor behaviors....however they do say that denial is the first step to the identification of addictions, ha ha ha.
Thank you ladies for the comments! Sorry I was late to respond.