My Sad Story of the Night

So I know I say it each and every time, but I am trying to "think" of blogging more often...maybe that will lead to more blogs (I guess it is the only way my poor friend Stephanie can keep up with me, since I have slacked on the facebook front as well.)
But tonight my heart is sad.
A blog-able moment....hopefully a "look back and laugh" moment.....but it all depends on how it ends.
(Side note, thank Jesus for 1 pint blue bell cookies and cream.....it is helping soothe me....guess I am an emotional eater.)

***WARNING**** The following has lots of talk about Overies and Periods and Uterus and stuff like that, if it grosses you out, skip this entire post.


So I have an Android phone..one of those neat phones that have "apps" that help you out with everyday things as well as has fun games and stuff. Well, I had an app called My Days. It is an ovulation calculator.
I put in the calander when my last period was, it will tell me when I should be fertile, as well as predicts my actual ovulaion date, and my next period date.
Cool Huh.
I thought so.

Back in September, I had a sonohystogram done of my uterus and overies. My doctor wanted to do this because of my family history of ovary issues, and my cancer...I have been trying to get pregnant with no luck...the doctor wanted to be 100% certain none of that was an issue.
Well it sort of was.
I am in beginning stages of PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome) The doc said, ovaries look like a "chocolate chip cookie" with all the foliciles in there...but mine looked like it had extra chips in it, which indicates the development of cysts. None of them were big enough to cause concern, it was the amount that raised eyebrows.
My doctor told me to document EVERYTHING very well, and also lose 30 pounds. Then come back in March or April for a followup and then we will start talking about aggressive measures such as Clomid and other infertility drugs.
EEK!
I got right on it...I downloaded the App to get to documenting. And I had lapband to get the weight off quick.
Fast Forward from September to March 16th....5 months later, I have lost only 10 pounds (Blue Bell isn't helping) BUT I had well documented EVERYTHING.
Well today (as in March 16th) my husband asked me to give him my phone. He wanted to update it for me.
He did it.
Then laughed... "I earased all your stuff" I told him whatever I didn't believe him...he said it was just all the apps, so I didn't worry about it.
At church I noticed I started my period...or was spotting...or something weird. so after church, I went to redownload the app that was lost. Only to find out that it was set to "default" user, and didnt require an email, or any other way to save your information.
I. L.O.S.T. E.V.E.R.T.H.I.N.G
Now there is an option to email the data in list form, but when Jason took the phone today, I didn't think of the app, and what was at stake if it was gone....

But here is the saddest part.

I want a baby.

People all around me are having babies.
I even went to a fertility specialist....but thought as he was telling me my options, that with my documentation and what my regular doctor wants to do, I should be ok......
I cried the other night because I want babies.
I am getting tired of watching everyone elses babies and not having one of my own (but don't get me wrong I love all the babies I am watching)
I am about to be 31 in a few months.....Jason is about to 38.....

Now I have no data and right now at midnight, it feels like no hope.

anyways...thats my sad story of the day. take it for what it's worth.