Well, I have been thinking and thinking and thinking for the past ten days......on what my new years resolution would be.
I just got married, so as Jason and I discussed, I was going to work on getting pregnant this year. I am about to be 30.....which in normal terms, is not old.....but, in baby having, to me..... is. ONLY because, I like to think ahead...and I do the kind of thinking like, if I had a baby now, when I the kid is 20 I will be 49, and if I have to wait a few years to have another one, It would be more like, if I had a baby when I am 35, when that kid is 20 I will be 55.
Those ages are not bad, and I know since I have not experienced those ages, I am sure I will still feel young, BUT....Jason is also 6 years old than me, so I have to think about his ages when our kids reach a certain age...blah blahblah...
So my resolution was going to be, make a baby.
But before I was figured out what I wanted to blog about, and made my final decision for the new year....I went to the girly doctor to get things checked on. After talking to him, letting him know I am ready to have a baby, and get things rolling on the medical end, he wanted to do some blood work, just to see how my insides are functioning as a whole.
Everything seemed normal, except.....my....blood sugar levels.
Lynn, his sweet nurse, called me on Friday, and was telling me about the results of the testing. She sounded upbeat and happy regarding the thyroid, hormone and blah blah testing, but when she got to the blood sugar, she got quiet, serious, and concerned sounding. She then told me, that the normal levels for blood sugar is 99-120 depending on the fasting and eating.....I had done a 12 hour fast before the test....my sugar level was.......299....(what this means I am not entirely sure, but 200 over the norm does not sound good)... she then demanded my family doctors phone number so she could fax the results to her, and get me an appt. I made my appt for my family doc that same day (I will be seeing her tomorrow).
After getting off the phone with all the doctors, I sat and processed this news. I had been told in the past that I was borderline diabetic, and a low card diet would help correct it. I did it.....for a few months, then lost insurance so I stopped going to the doctor....and then forgot about any of the precautions. Right before the wedding my family doc had told me she was a little concerned about my sugar levels, and I needed to come in and see her....well I had to wait till after the wedding, and eventually it got to be out of sight out of mind.
But now.
With my knowledge of the basics of diabetes, with my knowledge on how diabetes can affect pregnancies, the ability to conceive, the ability to have a normal healthy pregnancy, the ability to deliver a healthy baby.....I am nervous, scared, and sad.
I just wanted this process to go smoothly.
I wanted the doctor to tell me everything is a go, to take prenatal vitamins, and get busy making a baby.
But I am fat. and now. have diabetes (self diagnosed at this moment....but tomorrow my doc will give me the official label I am sure)
So.....with all this knowledge. i am going to declare my new years resolution. Well never mind resolution, I should say...DEMAND.
My new years DEMAND is to....make my body, mind and spirit ready to hold a miracle from God. I am going to get myself ready to have a baby.
This will include all the cliched new years goals like, lose weight and exercise. But I am not doing it just for the "beauty" aspect, I am not doing it just for the "self esteem" aspect. I am doing it so when I have a child inside of me, I won't be selfish and stay fat and unhealthy, I want to be the perfect vessel to carry the children Jason and I are blessed to have together.....
As I sit here like a drug addict and take my last "hit" of Dr Pepper, I feel guilty already. Jason tells me to have it, but I already have the mind set that I am going to have to do a complete turn around, Jason also says I will be harder on myself than the doctor will be. And if that is true, fine so be it.....I just want a baby. (two actually, and preferably not at the same time....lol)
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You can do it,Layla! It might take some drastic changes in your lifestyle, but take it one step at a time, don't try to cut down your calories, eat healthier, work out, cut out the sodas, etc all at the same time/same day/ same week!!
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