Where were you?

Today has been on odd day for me. A bit nostolgic, of course, but my emotions have been running on high and empty at the same time. This might not make sense to you, but to me it's the only way to describe it.
Today bares the familiar question "Where were you the day the towers went down?" Well, this time 6 years ago, I was living in Quincy, Illinois as a nanny. I had just turned 21 years old, I had experienced a great summer in a new place. I had lost about 10 pounds. I had just made a new friend, and was enjoying life.
That morning I woke up, instead of turning on Dora The Explorer, I was going to watch the Today show while folding laundry....thats when I saw it, the first tower in flames, I was trying to process what was happening, and as the story unfolded my mind went spinning... they kept referencing the "Dulles" airport, but I was hearing "Dallas". I had an uncle who traveled for work alll the time. I started panicing, and called anyone and everyone who would know where he was. Luckily he wasn't traveling that day. But panic did stiffle my day because as soon as I calmed down about my uncle, I like the rest of the country sat in front of the television staring, processing, greiving, and even crying. We ordered pizza for dinner, and at 6pm I went to my Sign Language class, just to be sent home for the lack of thought on anything but what happened that day. Life almost stood still.
For days and weeks to come, I kept an ear out on the happenings....I am in a struggle between both lives, of a middle eastern American, and a "white" American. My father is from Iran. And even though they have discovered that the Iranians were not involved in this catastrophe, they are still subjected to the racism and "stigma" of terrorism because of their language, culture, and skin color. Then the American part of me yerned for answers, and craved revenge. But what was I to do....so I did what most others did. Nothing. I went about my fall with hay rides, pumpkin carving, baking, nanny-ing, Thanksgiving and Chirstmas....noble huh?
With the war we are currently engaged in, we are at war with my ancestors, people who could easily be related to me. The governement are currently debating going to war against the very country my family resides. That is scarry for me. The governments are trying to bully each other when the innocent usually liberal countrymen/women are the ones who pay for this playground battle. I have no suggestions on how to do the President's job, and for all I really know, it is a live and learn profession, I just know that since the day of Septemeber 11,2001 my outlook on government, war, innocence and country have changed.
So where was I when the towers went down....not only was I in a basement in my pj's...I was in a mental state of not caring about anyone or anything other than what affected me. And sadly enough, I am still there. What will it take to get me to change?